The Lake

I want this cold snow on my bare feet.

I want this biting wind against my skin.

I want this frozen water surrounding me.

I walk to that waters edge,

the one we use to play by on those winter days at dad’s house.

That house always gave me the creeps

too many dead deer heads.

too many sad car rides back to mom’s.

When did all this go to hell?

When was the last time mom smiled?

When was the last time dad prayed?

It took me so long to realize I have no idea.

It seems that my brain hasn’t been working for years now.

Please don’t be mad,

I never meant any harm.

I take off my tightly tied shoes,

my brightly colored winter coat,

my nicely knighted gloves and hat.

I leave them neatly folded on the sand.

I step onto the icy lake.

The cold makes me numb down to my toes.

The sharp ice cuts into my feet but I don’t mind.

The Lake has frozen in waves,

like all time has just stopped here.

There are no sounds around me,

the quiet is frightening.

I shiver slightly at the cold and my teeth chatter.

I get to the thinnest part of the ice.

I hear the ice crack around me,

The last thing I hear,

as I float away into that breathless,

black nothingness of Lake Michigan.