I want a warm blanket
A hundred year rest
Lily of the valley next to my bed
And summer music,
Radio head or third eye blind
Something warm

If Castles Are Castles

If castles are castles
And princes are horses
Then teacups and dresses should be locked away
Little stuffed hands can’t hold spoons anyways
The spark of the camera set you on fire
Till you were warm every time you saw that print
You in white dress beauty
Flowers over that strawberry blond hair
Tied back in braids
And that string tied your fingers together
But judged as you pledged your undying love
And placed a hand on your belly
Like it could mask your unfaith
He helped you up into that carriage
And took you far away
Mountain air bars
And marble lies
You are a doll
A shell that when opened is only another shell
Made up nice
Like the northern lights
A trick of the big guy
Now wish your eyes were black glass
So you wouldn’t see
That your prince is a horse
And your castle is only a castle
It will never be the home you need

Vivian

You wear that fur like a robe
Wrap it tight
Pretend not to care
You stalk off at the mention of a name
But in the night
Or on those nostalgic smoke and vinyl days
You become soft
Passing hand through hair
And fingers at the temple
You lay on red wool blankets
Lazy and absent minded
Hand placed on hand like a prayer

Princess

Sitting so regal
So high on the railing
So low in the grass
Catching firefly dreams
And mouse whispers
Saying never like a lie
And forever like a curse
Green eyes wonder
Silk smooth hair
So brown it’s black
Speckling now with gray
Curl so tight
Sleep so sound
Beg for special circumstances
And to be left alone
But I can’t give you either

Let's Supose

Let’s stay in tonight
Let’s have blanket and whisky warmth
Curl up together
Your hands in my hair
My hands resting on my hip
The T.V. is humming
Are hearts are softly panging
Your breath is the strings
It’s a night of soft necks and painted fingers
And “baby don’t go”

French Exam

I should study for French. I really Should. But i don't want to. All those words are too confusing and I cant get my tenses right. And My grade is ok, if I flunk the exam it wont be the end... shiiit I hate French...

Finger played pianos never suited her
But finger paints did
Yellow mixed rooms with funny cartoon walls
Were painted pink cloud dream
She says it helps her sleep
With all those good feelings
 
Her shoes all have holes in the sides
But she never wears socks
And lipsticks applied but always wiped off
No funny faces
 
She loves to wear scarves
And sweaters and hats
And loves when it rains
And loves to get wet
 
Her hair changed colors till it settled on blond
And she cried every night
Till she forgot God
 

Heather

Long hair
Awkward eyes
Hands never bitten
Tears never dry
Her glasses slant slightly
Her brown fur lined hoodie holds
In those big pockets
A library
Her sandals are scuffed
Her slacks don’t fit well
On weekends her time
Is spent new book finding
She is boring
And scornful
But it’s not her fault
She lives in the classrooms
And talks to herself
In hallways she slips bye
No one paying her ‘ttention
She walks fast
Determined
With purpose in mind
And goes nowhere
Just home
To a family that fits her
A little strange
With small windows

Curlers and Mirrors at Night

Slender neck and a dark brow
She was nothing special to look at
But in the night she seemed to shine
Her hair, black, set up in curlers
Had this certain charm         
Her hands, rings on fingers
Flew feather like over that mirror face
And that shade of red lip looked natural
Hands touched mirrored face
Warm and soft
She slid between covers
Not daring to breathe
And the soft tick of clocks
Lulled her softly to sleep
 

Glove

Crunch
The snow
The white
The purple
The glove
We share
It’s colder
But this way
We are still
Connected
Crunch

Simple

Simple things make me happy
A little smile
A few choice words
Simple things make me mad
The way you play games
The way it’s right or wrong
All those complicated things I let slide
Because I don’t want to bother
Complication makes worry
So why not forget
But the simple things keep nagging
Till it’s overwhelming
Till its ground breaking
Till it’s simple
Just a few choice words
And I’m out the door

Winter Snow

Snow is hated in the winter
And longed for in the summer
Just like the hot air is in the summer
Or how you are for me
When we are apart it is sweet nothings
It is all incumbasing half heartedness
 But when we are together
It is ‘I should have done this’
‘I shouldn’t have said that’
It is that feeling in my gut that tells me…
No.  I won’t say that
Because thou snow is hated in the winter
If it is not there
It is missed

Lazy

‘I should really just get up and start’
I tell myself over and over
But distract
And then Homework
And then friendships
And then all the things I need to do
And all the things I want to do
Are wasted
I wish I could stop this summer sun feeling
It’s not right with all this snow

The Weather

When we talk it’s always about the weather
Just failed attempts at any real conversation
He says pretty day
I say nice bird
And we all just play like this is the one
We all just play like this is the big one
We promised the day we all die
We will get laid
Spend our last moments naked
How we all began
In the middle of creating
And when those big buildings crumble
And when those church bells ring
We will be singing
About the weather
About the birds
And about the ways our bodies
Mixed
And we won’t just be talking anymore

New Black Hair

Her hands shake a little when she talks
And so does her voice
Each word takes effort
Each word takes strength she says she doesn’t have
But she keeps talking so I think she might be lying
About not having any strength
So she wears jeans in black like a barrier
But cries when she can’t bear
And paints her nails again
And her hair got cut short like James Dean
Just looking for that fast car out
Burning holy fire
But she says she’s never been touched by those flames
But I see that want look in her eye
Even as she says she’s done
Enough try
She needs action now
Even if that action is digging in
Letting scarlet wash her fears away
She sleeps with her doors shut
And her blankets pulled tight
Cause lord knows she doesn’t want those
Dreams to come back
She says walking in the light hurts
So can she just sit here for a while?
Cause it’s comforting in this grey feeling
And every now and then she just needs a little comfort

Gas Station

I saw him at the gas station At least I think it was him
He looked tall and awkward
Like he just wasn’t sure
If he was really meant to be there
Swaying slightly as he stood there
I wanted to yell his name
I think he was leaving today
I wanted to yell his name
But I couldn’t move
I wanted to say a simple hello
And I couldn’t do a thing
And I watched him drive away

Plain

Her smile is a whisper and her words a monologue
When she walks it’s never in high heals
Always in flats
Black
And new
No stains
Or slip ups
Folded laundry from the back line
Always nice and mannerly
And when He looks at her
It’s always right through
Her teacup stained fingers aren’t right for him
No room for bed sheets and tables
No room for messy hair
All is kept row in row
Kept slightly wavy
But not too much so
And when she watches him in the check-out isle
She never lets her mind wander
Don’t be indecent girl

For my religion class

For my religion class we have a project that involves talking in front of the class about your religious views and my teacher gave me 2 days to prepare... I baked two pies for it, why you ask? because Pie makes everything good, even a shit speech. I also wrote an OK speech and did (most) of the rest of my home work and lived through my grandfather and little sister fighting about politics. Kinda productive day except that i didn't sew or draw. I now need to go to bed. I will write something better tomorrow... or the next night. good night.

Blueberry Lemonade

Blueberry lemonade swirls in my head
and snow tugging at my figure tips.
An elementary play ground
and that swing set that’s too small for him.
The dog that’s so cute walking his man around the park,
circle after circle.
Teeth chatter and we tell little stories
about elementary school moments
and high school hits and
little sisters.
We find ourselves wandering circles in gaslight
speaking nonsense about nonsense
and about getting high.
A smile and white teeth
and he tells me about a slip on the ice
that almost lost him one white one.
We talk about girls who drink too much
and teaching
and power.
And when he brings me home
awkward arms
touch
awkward arms
and I stumble into the house.

tomorrow I go back...

I go back to school tomorrow but all I want to do is sleep. That school is joyless and painful. One of my friends made the wise comment that our school is like a dementor, it sucks the happiness out of you. i don't was to go back to that dullness. A little more then half a school year and I'll be done. I'm telling my self that over and over, 'just a little more', but if feels like an eternity. I'm too young to feel this choked. I want to be happy and having adventures in the sunshine, but I'm stuck in fluorescent hell... Most of this shit I don't need to know anyways... and I still haven't finished my AP Stats home work...

Plastic and Poppy Red

So this is the second day of my new resolve I'm honestly proud i made it this far. I have been working on this poem for a couple months now and I cant finish it so i am just going to post it and be done for now.


“I was a teenager once”, you always remind us
Like it’s something glorious or relevant
Like it changes the playing field
From us vs. you, to flowers and butterflies
And ‘Let’s all get along’ songs
Like we couldn’t comprehend that you were ever young
That you might understand what it’s like to feel this lost
When everyone is talking so loud
About the girl who just sucked them off
Or that guy, who’s just so cute you want to barf
 
And we paste those superficial smiles on in the morning
And paint up sex eyes in the evening
And wash it all off when we go to bed
So that our pillows aren’t stained that poppy red
 
And that girl I knew
The one with her hair done up in curls
Is sitting on that too straight chair
Trying to remember what got her there
Between the blur of cars, people, coffee makers and drug dispensers
She can’t seem to recall
And the waves of blue and green make little whirlpools at her feet
Splashing tattoos and toe rings up her ankles
 
And all those kids pick stars out of the air
They pop them in their mouths like the next high
But they don’t slid down so smooth
They burn and come up in the mix of bile and bullshit their
Parents, teachers, preachers, and politicians mixed them
Like a cup of warm milk to send them off to bed, tucked tight
With their next fuck
Trying to stay upright
As the world spins so fast
And the beds bounce too high
Till they are sailing in the sky
With all those uneatable star
So scared in the limelight
They turn back to those bottles of nerves
Just one more and I’ll be good
Just one more and I’ll be numb to all that laughter
 
 
And the little boy down the street
The one that use to play all those innocent games with me
And scream so loud
Has curbed his rage into another kind of hit
The ones you let off in smoke rings
In a cry up to heaven
Saying “SOS, please God help me”
 
So we all curl up in our beds at night
With the blankets pulled around supper tight
And our feet pulled up to our chests
Hoping those under-bed monsters won’t finally catch up to us
 
And so you ask if we’re all right
And you say it in that ‘I’ve been there’ way
So we smile like our cheeks are your figure puppets
Saying ‘every things just dandy’
When every things not “just Dandy”
And can you really expect it to be “Dandy”
When our country is rotting from the top down
The politicians don’t even have the decency to recycle
They just throw all this shit at our feet
Till the mountain of social and economical injustice
Has us waste deep
Climbing still
So they say “Lets send it up in space
And let it waste with the stars we stole from
All those cradle eyes
Blind to the way America works”
 
Self for self
 
Step on all those toes
Till you’re are the only one left on the road
Pointed straight down to hell
Spinning out of control
Babies bounce around your head
Yelling swearwords like breast milk
And it seems
Innocence is growing scarcer each scene
Till we are smearing poppy red face paint
all over little four year olds
Telling them they aren’t pretty enough
“Let’s fix that
Too fat
Too boyish
Too flat”
Till all that’s left is plastic
 
And I don’t want to be plastic anymore
 
You keep saying I understand
I understand
I understand
Like repetition makes perfect
You spew words like meanings
And pretend to care
But you don’t
And you never will
So stop all this pretending

New Years

For the new year i am going to post something everyday. I will try to keep to this my very best and the writing might suck anyways but the thought is what counts. So to start off a something-or-what-ever about my strange new years eve.

New year

Yesterday led into today with a drop
A new year
A new moment
A new chance
And I spent it with a stranger
We stood together having only met a few hours earlier
Him drunk
Me sober but wishing I was drunk
We are in a crowd of people all screaming
And the ball drops
I kiss him on the cheek
Just a friendly kiss
One to welcome in the next year
A little hello
With maybe a hint of hope
And we flirt slightly as we attempt to find our friends
And my hands are cold and his look comfy
But I don’t dare ask
Because too many risks have been taken already
But we hug good night and a happy new year
And he drives off
With a billboard for his theme song
So as I sink down into my bed
This stranger just keeps spinning in my head
And I hope this will be a good new year