Blanket

That blanket so warm wrapped around me

Keeps me warm oh so warm.

Knit by old warn hands

From old scraps of yarn

It shimmers in the light like the stars.

A rainbow of every color.

A collage of every texture.

It reminds me of that old farm house.

Always so warm.

Always so bright.

The sun shines in magnificent ways off

The red barn, the white snow, the bright faces.

The smell of pumpkin pie and pine trees is

Soaked in the blanket.

It helps when this gray of my life

Over takes me and tells me it’s not alright.

I wrap up in this warm and color

Dreaming of a place much better.

colors

colors of red, black, brown, and orange swirl around me. I feel this puke in my tummy rise...

Bile

I feel this sick sensation in my stomach. The bile rises to my chest. Is this my unjustifiable excitement or just a stomach over full of peppermint tea?

Snow

I want to make a mess in the snow. All that white reminds me how tainted i am. I kick and scream at it like a small child. I pick it up and throw it in the air and watch as it falls back on me. I look down at my shoes covered in all that white and i realize how strange I am being, so i go inside and pretend all that snow isnt outside to mock me.

Gray skys in MI

Please... This gray in sufficating. this gray weather is too much for me. I need the warmth of the sun again. I need the birds shining and the sky bright blue. This gray clouds my mind and eats away at my sanity. i need an out. I need an excape.

Dear Monster in my Head

Dear Monster,

Please leave me alone. You’ve over stayed our welcome. You’ve pounded all those holes in my head. You’ve smashed all my things on the hard wood floor. You’ve left me empty and scared.

You’re like a tornado in my mind. You never let me alone. You grab at my sanity and rip it apart. You keep me locked in this room, unable to move.

I always keep my light on so you can’t get at me. I always try so hard, but still, you find me. You drag your claws against my temples. You rip apart my chest and invite yourself in. You are my cancer, my one true problem, my one true insanity…

So please leave. Pick up your bags. Take that plant you love so much. Stay at a friends I don’t really care. I need you out. I need you gone forever. You’ve been here way to long. You inhabit my every thought, action, word. Please be gone, please don’t return, please forget you ever knew me, please let me forget I ever knew you.

Sincerely,       

Me      

Leave

Do you ever just want to leave everything? Just pack your bags and get on a bus? Do you ever want to sleep on the street? Have no money? Have no one to count on? Have no one counting on you? I want this every day. I’m 17 years old…One year till I can leave with out worry. One year until I can be free.