Nameless

Here I lay

Too cold

Too warm

A clash of thoughts

The blur of nothing

My heads a pond

I just swim around

Too cold

Too warm

I just swim around

Those Stupid Aunt Farms

jumble jumble all these thoughts in my head

So cool in the shade

too hot in the sun

You look so pretty

You are so ugly

stop

no more aunt farms burying around

they took too much

they lost it all in that mad desperation for

a place to call there own.

Stay still

chill out

It will all work out

easy for you to say you dont have to live in here

all you happy love songs you dont know shit

there are no happy endings

Not here

not here

Not here

Not there either

you can make your tea and sing your little songs

like "God bless American"

and that one where all those miners die

but i wont hear you anymore

the music

stops

too short

Nonsense nonsense this is all nonsense

A trick of my mind

used on myself

in a vain attempt

to loss it all

or maybe win it

Stay still

chill out

It will all work out

Its all so jumbled

Red rover

The shiny metal in my hand

pressing temple

one two three

All gone

those feelings of inadequacy

I soar above the aunts of the earth

my body floats in between the stars

I make them my friends

We play red rover up on the horizon

I always seem to lose

Take me away to that spot in your chest

hold me so close, too close.

You burn

the dead are falling from the sky

Don’t fall with me

The stars they scream too loud for me

they would be too loud for you too

hold my cold hand

touch it to your cheek

Is it warmer now?

put it in the stove

Is it warmer now?

Take me away to that spot in your chest

Hold me

now let me go

"but no" you say

"Let me stay"

don’t stay

leave

your too hot for me

stop thawing

thawing

thawing me out.

i'm too warm now

i'm too warm now

i'm too warm now

i'm too...

follow me up to the stars and we can play red rover

red rover red rover send me over

and we can scream that they are too loud.

Blanket

That blanket so warm wrapped around me

Keeps me warm oh so warm.

Knit by old warn hands

From old scraps of yarn

It shimmers in the light like the stars.

A rainbow of every color.

A collage of every texture.

It reminds me of that old farm house.

Always so warm.

Always so bright.

The sun shines in magnificent ways off

The red barn, the white snow, the bright faces.

The smell of pumpkin pie and pine trees is

Soaked in the blanket.

It helps when this gray of my life

Over takes me and tells me it’s not alright.

I wrap up in this warm and color

Dreaming of a place much better.

colors

colors of red, black, brown, and orange swirl around me. I feel this puke in my tummy rise...

Bile

I feel this sick sensation in my stomach. The bile rises to my chest. Is this my unjustifiable excitement or just a stomach over full of peppermint tea?

Snow

I want to make a mess in the snow. All that white reminds me how tainted i am. I kick and scream at it like a small child. I pick it up and throw it in the air and watch as it falls back on me. I look down at my shoes covered in all that white and i realize how strange I am being, so i go inside and pretend all that snow isnt outside to mock me.